
1. If you’re shopping learn how to spend your change, otherwise you can seriously end up with heavy pockets, the Great Britain Coin comes in amounts all the way up to two Pound. Soho has some of the best shopping in London, from vintage and au vant garde to Fred Perry and Carhartt, soak it up.
2. If you’re horny and single get laid. Soho has an incredible amount of bars, sex shops, peep shows, strip clubs, pornographic book shops and scantly clad women in freezing temperatures walking the streets every night. I dress like the kid from A Christmas Story that is so bundled up he can’t put his arms down, sexy? I think not.

3. If you’re cultural see a show. Soho has many theaters playing some of the most famous plays in the world. Personally I’d rather stick hot needles in my eye while horny hobbits violate me from the waist down… I am not a fan of plays, so sue me.
4. If you’re a junkie get high and shit in a phone booth, nah fuck it, shit on my porch!. I am not kidding people, the streets of Soho are filled with drugs and it’s easy to sniff it out(especially when you’re a recovering addict). Junkies will shit in the first place they get excited after ‘a fix’, usually a phone booth will suffice due to privacy but sometimes a phone booth is not present, and when that happens they will shit on your porch. Liz and I woke up to diarrhea steaming on our lovely porch one morning, it took the landlord 3 days to clean it up. We did a little dance every morning to step over it, doodoo-wa-diddy.

5. If you’re a tattooer make money. George Bush Jr. and this wonderful(joke) of our US government did a great job of reducing the dollar to almost nothing. The Pound is about 1.7 of what the dollar is, so needless to say I am working hard and trying make that dolla’. HEY, I got shopping to do, peep shows to see, hobbits to pay off, and above all toilet paper for my midnight phone booth poopoo parties. Yeehaw